I Posted A Nude On Instagram and These 5 Things Happened
It really wasn’t that scary
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I believe I did it for all the right reasons. At least, I didn’t do it for the wrong reasons. There was no attention seeking or attempts to titillate behind posting the picture. There was no, “wait until they get a load of this!” when I hit the post button. It was more complex than that. I have deliberately not included the photo at the top of the story and I’ve cropped it in half when I do show the picture because I don’t want it to distract from what I have to say.
On 1st April, I saw one of those “photo a day” challenges pop up on my Instagram feed. I wanted to participate because I feel like I don’t post enough and keep the interactions going with long-standing connections. The first prompt was “faceless self-portrait” and immediately the picture I had taken almost two years ago that was sitting on my phone with nowhere to go and nobody seeing it popped into my mind. It was a black and white photograph of me naked, sitting in front of a mirror, with my legs folded in front of me in a way that hid my lower half, and my arms positioned to hide my breasts, while my phone itself hid my face. It was taken for my husband and I kept it on my phone because I perversely enjoyed my own nude image. It wasn’t like me; I’m clumsy, frizzy haired, bespectacled, a little geeky, dishevelled most of the time and middle-aged. On the rare occasion that I have a pretty day, I take a ton of pictures and use them for weeks or months afterwards. See that pic on my Medium profile? I look nothing like that right now.
I have all the usual insecurities people have about my appearance but I looked so good in this nude picture that I wanted to keep it and look at it when I’m 80 years old to remind myself that for one moment back in 2021 I was glamorous and sexy and elegant. It looked like a classic boudoir shot that a photographer might have taken (except for the mess in the background), and when I slapped a black and white filter on it, it’s fair to say I enjoyed it even more.
What’s wrong with that? In a life where I have spent forty-two years feeling unattractive, what’s wrong with enjoying that one picture of myself? It felt like some kind of spell had been cast on me in the second the picture was snapped. I felt like a naked Cinderella, very confident and at ease.
It’s even more thrilling for me when you consider that since 1995 I have struggled with disordered eating. The complex condition I had never fell into the categories of anorexia or bulimia. I didn’t want to be thinner. In fact, losing weight sent me into a panic. I was so health-conscious that I became paranoid about being malnourished and took every supplement I could swallow when an anxiety disorder got out of hand and affected my ability to eat. It was rooted in phobias and the whole story is probably best kept for another post here on Medium. It happens to lots of people — more than you would think. Back in 1995, at my lowest point, there was no name for what I had. Now they call it Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder or ARFID.
So, when you consider that this mental health problem affected my weight, whether I wanted it to or not, stopped my periods, shrunk my breasts for a while, made me so skinny that I couldn’t sit in a bath without excruciating pain and made me inexplicably grow hair in places girls should not have hair, getting to a stage where you love the sight of your own naked body in a photograph is a huge win and one I won’t apologise for because although ARFID is not about your own personal body image, it affects the image of your body in a very negative way.
The best part was, it was implied nudity — you couldn’t see any of the parts Instagram usually ban. So, I posted it, knowing that most of my followers have had a chance to read my story before and my friends would categorically support me. I hashtagged it #unbothered.
So, what happened when I posted it? Here goes…
1. Initially, people were positive
The initial reaction was positive. Nobody said anything unkind, and I was commended for my bravery and for the photo itself. The consensus was it looked good. I looked good.
“The fearless warrior… she was always in there, hiding” said a writer in Australia I have never met who knows my story and has always been supportive.
“The choice to use black and white and hide the face makes it look amazingly classy” said someone who is usually always a little bit of a critic, so this felt good.
“Holy s*** how amazing do you look, one hot mumma. Go you, so proud of you” said one of my closest friends three days later when she noticed it.
2. Most people didn’t really understand my reasons
The problem is, there’s no such thing as an unproblematic nude photograph on Instagram. That’s not because Instagram object to the posting of implied nudity. It does not violate their terms and conditions at all. It’s a problem because people don’t understand how much of a win that photo was for me, as a woman, and as an anxiety sufferer and an ARFID survivor.
People didn’t really get that it wasn’t meant to titillate or arouse. They didn’t understand that it was about conquering anxiety and fear and ARFID. They just saw some skin and made their own decisions.
Of course they did. Stupid of me to think otherwise!
The problems arose as time went on, until within a month, I was hating the sight of the picture and wishing I had kept it private.
3. Requests for more nudes
One man actually convinced himself that it was posted for his benefit since his birthday was coming up. I have to say, that never crossed my mind once. He sent me a DM suggesting I send him some more… if I like.
No, I don’t like.
4. People sent me nudes back
Despite having posted a photo with implied nudity, I am not an exhibitionist or a naturist. I’m fine with skin and bodies and a little bit of cheekiness but I don’t want to see nude sketches or photos any more than I did before, yet it did open the door for people I know (ok, men I know) to send those kinds of pictures to my inbox. I mean, it happens to most people online at some point but it came from people I didn’t expect it to come from — people who, until that point, had been friendly and appropriate. They weren’t strangers. They were people in my friendship circle. Suddenly they were sending me nudes. They had been my friends once and they completely misunderstood my point.
5. Instead of caring about my eating disorder journey, some people stopped caring about me altogether because they made assumptions about attention seeking or sexual gratification
I’ve had to edit this one because there were people who spent 35 seconds reading my story and highlighted the heading which previously said “Instead of respecting my journey some people lost all respect for me.” In 35 seconds they could not possibly have grasped the reasons why I did it – they just wanted to look like they had been here and read it. They too made assumptions about sexual gratification or attention seeking and only read the headlines. It bugged me so much that I changed the subject header.
There will be large numbers of people who think “Well, she posted a picture with some skin, she has to expect that to happen!”
No, I didn’t. I still don’t. My picture was PG rated. I did not and still do not see anything wrong with it, especially when it was posted to celebrate my own personal achievements.
The most disappointing reaction was from a female friend who made it clear that she believes I have no right to complain about unsolicited intimate pictures being sent to me anymore because I posted implied nudity on Instagram. I honestly feel there’s a difference between a photo of someone’s arms and legs, hidden face and the curve of their hip and a picture of someone’s genitals when they are clearly sexually aroused. I really don’t agree with her, but it did stop me in my tracks and make me think — was I wrong? Is there ever such a thing as an acceptable nude, or will somebody somewhere always object to a little skin and the implication?
I don’t know the answer. I think it’s highly subjective and probably a divisive issue. What I do know is that if Instagram don’t have a problem with it and I don’t have a problem with it, nobody else should. It’s unfortunate that I lost a few friends but I’m trying to focus on the friends who saw it, understood the struggle and were right there with me, celebrating that moment of feeling completely comfortable with myself.
I did take time to think carefully about writing this article because it could be opening a can of worms all over again. Then I thought about my friend who posts photos of herself in a bikini in her hot-tub every Saturday on Facebook… the neighbour who appeared nude in a local amateur production of Calendar Girls… the actress whose child goes to my son’s school who was full-frontal nude (as a murder victim’s corpse) in a TV show a few years ago. Although the delayed reactions were not as good as the initial ones, I’m now fairly comfortable with it being out there. I really don’t think my picture is such a big deal.
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